TGIF, or The Very First Post

July 9th, 2004

Strike up the band, send out the dancing girls, it’s the first post!! Bring in the dignitaries, set up the buffet, it’s… The Stoli Diaries.

I keep promising to myself that I’ll actually post, so here goes. In honor of this muggy, cloudy Friday, I will start up the blog. (This is a Big Deal for around here, okay? Bring on the monsoon already. Too much sun. The palms of my hands are burned and scarred from touching the steering wheel of my car.) No, I don’t know that I’ll keep that name or not. I’m a Libra and it’s more than likely that I will change my mind.

So what will I put here? Who knows? I’m planning to do a travel journal-review-thingy of our latest road trip to Pasadena. I hope to do an ongoing fictional series about the absurdities of office life. I want to start posting a list of ways to get the worst customer service possible, too. I don’t know much past that. Stoli Diaries should be considered very much a WIP.

Must cut this short… was just handed a very dopey assignment at work. Sigh.

Thank goodness for Fridays. Thank goodness for potentially rainy Fridays.

Road Trip: Pasadena, CA

July 9th, 2004

Okie dokie. So it’s Friday afternoon, the boss is in another office teaching someone to crochet, no angry donors are calling me with laughable demands, and there’s no work to be done. The desk is pristine. Clean. Okay I lie, there are pen markings and paperclips and such all over it, but no paperwork that has to be completed. I’m not about to go looking down the hall for work, either. Momma didn’t raise no fool.

So… let’s travel back to a happier time, shall we? A time of joy and laughter, of Skittles and of beer… my (albeit very short) summer vacation to Pasadena, California.

DAY 1:
The purpose of this little jaunt was to port furniture to Lizz, my younger sister. She just moved to a new apartment and was sans bed and desk for awhile. We managed to stuff all of her furniture and incidentals into the bed of The Truck, which required advanced geometry and sturdy bungee cords. Higher-level thinking folks took care of that. I helped lift stuff.

The drive to California isn’t too bad, really. I-10 is a little windy at certain points, and hot, but no one from Arizona should mind that too much. I like the drive because it reminds me of My Childhood, that glorious time of your youth when money came in a Monopoly box and taxes were for the adults. I always look for familar sights along the way. The first one I look forward to is Quartzsite. It’s this seriously strange little town near the Arizona-California border. In summer it’s pretty empty, but in the winter the population swells to cataclysmic levels with Snowbirds and their motor homes. It’s frightening as hell, honestly. Still, it’s funny to see this little town and its empty trailor parks and flea markets. I don’t see the attraction, even for the ‘Birds, but… okay.

Later on, just about at Palm Springs, you come across the huge farms of windmills. This area’s so windy they’re using these huge-ass windmills to supply energy to the desert towns. This is a seriously cool concept as far as I’m concerned. I just love to watch them as we drive past. Good thing I wasn’t driving.

My next favorite place along the way is the diner with the dinosaur buildings. If you’ve seen “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure,” then you’ve seen them. So fun. I think we stopped there once to let our dog walk around. It’s very close to the outlet malls at Cabazon, which, I must say, are looking damned impressive these days. Le Creuset outlet store? Villeroy and Bach? Crabtree and Evelyn??? Be. Still. My. Beating. Heart. We didn’t stop there, which is probably a very good thing.

This is the part of the trip I don’t like. After we pass the outlet mall, I always look at my watch and say… “What? We’re not there yet? We’re only at the outlet mall?? Did they freaking move this city or something?? I freaking hate this drive!!!” The Husband just shrugged, but honestly, I swear to whatever higher being’s up there, that they deliberately move wherever we’re going at least an hour west just to piss me off.

At some point around Riverside, there’s this hotel that’s perched close to the freeway that I always look for. It’s called the San Gorgonio Inn. I have never stopped there, but it boasts that it’s “World Famous.” Judging by the sign, however, it’s anything but. This is intriguing for some reason. I don’t really understand why. I would love to stay there sometime just to say I have stayed somewhere World Famous.

Even though higher beings moved the city of Pasadena just to piss me off, we did finally arrive. We checked in at our hotel and trucked upstairs to the room. For some bizarre reason, it was marked as “The Washington Suite.” It was big, but not terribly fancy. Still, it’s nice to have a big room. There was a poster of Washington, DC hanging above the wet bar. After dumping off our stuff, we ambled over to Lizz’s place.

Lizz’s apartment is pretty nice, really. Nice in that student apartment way, of course. Landlords seem to think that college students don’t deserve nice accomodations. Her roommate’s an interesting sort, too. My thanks go out to him in assisting us while we ported stuff up and down stairs to my sister’s room. He’s a swell chap that way.

While we were at the apartment, Lizz mentioned that she couldn’t get her audio-video-DVD-whatever equipment hooked up properly. She said she was told by several of her Caltech genius engineering buddies that she needed a few expensive adaptors to make it work. The Husband had it all hooked up and working in under two minutes. He did what Caltech nerds couldn’t. Rock on. He’s my nerd and I love him.

For the evening’s entertainment, we all piled in The Truck (with The Husband squished in the crew cab) and headed to Old Pasadena. It’s a collection of nice and pricey joints to get yummy eats and drinks. There’s a collection of nice shops there too, like a Z Gallery and Pottery Barn. We decided to have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. It was like… an hour wait or so, so we wandered the streets awhile. It is a very ritzy place, and it’s filled with very ritzy people. Woosh. While we were at Z Gallery I bought a book on the proper placement of silverware on the table (the title escapes me… it’s pretty cool!) and a book about famous last words. I think that’s the title. Hmm. I will look that up later and post it for reference. They are both seriously nifto books.

Back at the restaurant, we had a yummy dinner. I had (at least) two Cosmopolitans, and they really hit the spot. I wish I could remember what I ate… it was divine, whatever it was. I can’t remember what The Husband or Lizz ate either. Doh. It’s not surprising, though; those Cosmos were of nearly-lethal strength.

DAY 2:
I was only slightly hung over the next morning, which was a good thing, because this was our day to trek to the Getty Museum in Los Angeles. The Husband and I slept in to some terribly late hour (like… 11?), which was very nice. Lizz had to knock on our hotel room door to get us up.

The Getty is fabulous. The architecture is glorious. The location couldn’t be more beautiful. The views from on top of the hill are lovely. The cafeteria serves good food too! I had a taco salad, which seemed more nacho than salad. I think The Husband had a ham sandwich. I think Lizz had… I need to write this stuff down, huh? It was yummy nonetheless. Unfortunately The Husband’s co-worker called him right in the middle of lunch a few times. Oy.

We headed for a far gallery of the Getty that houses the Greek pottery collection. This is what I was most looking forward to. Unfortunately, when we got there, we discovered that the pottery’s been taken off display. They are building a “villa” to house their Greek and Roman stuff, which is set to open in Malibu in the fall. I was a wee disappointed in this, but there was at least a statute of Marcus Aurelius there to study to make up for the long journey there.

Next we headed for the Impressionist gallery, which I was told housed Van Gogh’s “Irises.” Indeed it did, and it was worth the trip to see it. The colors in the painting were more vivid than I’d imagined. I was also really in awe of the Munch work they houses there. I will have to look up the title… I think it’s “Starry Night,” or somesuch. It’s quite lovely, if not a teensy bit ominous somehow. (It would hardly be a work by Munch if it wasn’t, right?) Again, unfortunately, The Husband’s co-worker called him. Poor guy. He couldn’t view the Monets and Manets without interruption.

Next we stopped off in another gallery to look at more ancient stuff. We saw an interesting exhibition detailing the influence that Islamic art had on the Renaissance. We saw more Greek and Roman stuff, but no pottery. Oh well. We had coffee outside overlooking a lovely view of hillsides and fancy houses.

We headed back to Pasadena at this point. After hanging out in the hotel room for awhile while Lizz worked on a paper, we all got together again and went back downtown to have a meal and watch a movie. There was an event going on there, an exhibition of artists who like to draw on the sidewalk with colored chalk. Themes varied from art masterpieces to pop culture icons. Very odd. After wandering a bit, we decided on Delmonico’s, a seafood restaurant. It was to die for. I had swordfish, which was served over potato cakes and topped with onion rings. (I know there was a sauce involved, but… I can’t remember what it was. Rum something perhaps?) Lizz had a dish of penne pasta topped with salmon. She said it was very good. I think The Husband had some lovely halibut.

After dinner, we went to see “The Stepford Wives.” It was pretty good. The opening credits were the best part (which sounds terrible for the film, doesn’t it?), portraying all these images of women dancing with their dishwashers and other utopian scenes of domestic bliss from the 1950s and 60s. It was a lot of stuff I’d seen spoofed on “Mystery Science Theater 3000.” I giggled quite a bit. The rest of the film was ok too.

DAY 3:
Well, there really wasn’t a day three, because we drove back. Boo. But, we did get to have brunch at Mi Piace’s, a nice restaurant in Old Pasadena. The food was very nice and we had a lovely time. I had the huevos rancheros, and The Husband had eggs benedict. I’m kicking myself for not trying some of their Italian baked goods, though. There was a glass case filled with treats that looked wonderful.

Actually, we did make one stop on the way back that was pretty amusing. There’s a little town along the way that hosts the General Patton Museum. There’s a whole garden filled with old tanks. It’s pretty creepy and it amused me greatly. I’ve never been inside the museum, I just enjoy the tank garden. At least you don’t have to water it.

So… that was my vacation. Consider Pasadena for YOUR next vacation destination.

What is it good for… absolutely nothin’?

July 9th, 2004

Okay. It’s still Friday afternoon. There’s still no work to do. It’s still not raining. The boss has concluded her crochet lesson and is now searching the internet for knitting patterns. I now can understand why blogs are so popular.

I was just reading CNN’s website, as I am wont to do, and read an interesting article: “Study: Americans object to graphic online war images.”In this article it details a telephone survey done asking people what they thought about accessing graphic images of the recent war in Iraq online. (Apparently many don’t like it, but millions are still looking for it.) Many sites are offering some of these images with warnings, such as MSNBC. An MSNBC official is quoted as saying that they leave off most of the images because they want to adhere to certain guidelines set for content. And… “We want our Web site to be a place where the mainstream news consumer can feel safer,” he said.

Safer. So, they want the average mainstream news consumer to feel safe about reading news of the war from a sterilized web page so they won’t see how horrible the whole thing is and question our motives for going to war in the first place? Gotcha.

Maybe now that the average mainstream news consumer is safe, we can think about how to make it “safer” for the troops in Iraq, like… perhaps… bringing them home?

(The title of this post should be credited to the song sung by Edwin Starr. Uh huh.)

I Heart Spider-Man 2

July 10th, 2004

I’m told the next one’s not until 2007. Dangit.

The elevator scene. I’m still giggling like a fool.

The girlfriends/wives/significant others of superheroes/good guys… they have it rough, don’t they? “I know what I’m getting into.” Yeah, right. Say that the next time a villain/Martian/alien/enemy/Republican/bad fellow/dingo makes off with your kid/cat/canary/baby/self. Thankless, I tell you. What do they get in return? Hopelessly romantic upside-down kisses with their heroic/adorable/studly boyfriend/husband/significant other in some alleyway in the rain?

… Oh.

Happy Birthday to The Husband

July 10th, 2004

Today was The Husband’s 27th birthday. Happy Birthday to him. We celebrated by having an early morning doctor’s appointment (Why did I schedule for 7:30 AM?) and going to Abuelo’s with my parents. Abuelo’s is a swell Mexican food restaurant in Chandler. The Husband likes their chicken quesadilla. I had the pescado guerrero, which is a yummy dish of grilled mahi mahi with scallops and shrimp in a spicy-ish sherry sauce of some sort. So good. I must admit the drink I had, dubbed a Coco Loco, was very good too.

Happy Birthday again to The Husband. Who loves ya baby?

The Grumpy Bear Conspiracy

July 11th, 2004

Gentle reader, I have uncovered a vast conspiracy. It is shocking and fiendish, and it has gone thus far undetected.

Tonight I was walking in Walgreen’s when I noticed a large bin of plush Care Bears toys. I went through a few layers of this bin, looking at the various species of Care Bears available. After a moment, it hit me: There were no Grumpy Bears. There were a great many Champ Bears, a flurry of Do-Your-Best Bears, and a whole squadron of Share Bears, but who wants any of those? I could go for a nice cuddly Bedtime Bear, but never will a Do-Your-Best Bear adorn my desk.

I find this disturbing. It occurred to me then that whenever I pass a bin of Care Bears, be they plush or plastic, I always check for Grumpy Bear. Grumpy Bear is my favorite. Despite his stated mission — demonstrating to all how silly it is to let our grumpiness go unchecked– I believe he is the most believeable of the Bears. Who doesn’t love a good grump? And is it so bad that he’s consistantly in a bad mood? Perhaps the poor fellow needs similar Bears to hang out with, ones with less sunny dispositions. One look at Funshine Bear is enough to send anyone into a downward mood swing. (The official Care Bears website insists the two are friends. I find this curious and suspicious. It must be a propaganda ploy.)

So what is so disturbing? I never see any Grumpy Bears in stores. Be it Wal-Mart, Walgreen’s, or Target, there are never any Grumpy Bears. There is a lack of Grumpy Bears while the cheerful, family-value Bears are found everywhere. This new tide of Care Bear fanaticism that has hit this country at a time when family, Christian values are heralded above all. A Grumpy Bear has no place in a society where a near-forced cheerfulness about God and country prevail. Is it possible the saccharine-sweet Champ and Do-Your-Best Bear have replaced our anti-establishment Grumpy Bear? Are they afraid that Grumpy’s grumpiness signals a dangerous freedom of thought against a current regime? Could Tenderheart Bear be conspiring with the current regime to keep Grumpy’s views hushed? Why has Grumpy Bear become ursus non gratus?

Grumpy Bear, where are you?! WHERE HAVE YOU GONE??

(… Or… it could be that there are a lot of other people out there who like Grumpy Bear too and he’s all sold out. Or maybe that’s just what they want us to think.)

And now for something completely different… It’s…

Top Ten Care Bears That Didn’t Make the Cut

10. Lecherous Bear
9. Sleazy Bear
8. Lazy-Ass Bear
7. Greedy Bear (aka Enron Bear)
6. Sucks-To-Be-You Bear
5. Raging-Queen Bear
4. AWOL Bear
3. Creepy-As-Hell Bear
2. Quitter Bear
1. Liberal Bear

(One further note: The link on the official Care Bears website to buy bears takes you to Carlton Cards’ online store. They have a wide variety of happy-go-lucky bears to buy, but– yes, you guessed it!!– NO GRUMPY BEARS. The plaintiff rests, your honor.)

F*&% That

July 12th, 2004

Another article worth mention on CNN.com… and one that pertains to me, strangely. “Nervous PBS bleeps words in new drama” discusses PBS’ woes with swear words in dramas. We’ve had a flurry of e-mail and memos come lately that have dealt with this issue. In one instance I guess a swear word made its way through to the version of a show sent to stations, and there was considerable fallout from it. Thanks to Janet Jackson and her boobs, we all have to deal with this sort of stuff now. Thanks, Janet. (Okay, it’s not Janet’s fault people reacted the way they did, but… c’mon. Did you have to do that??)

I’m vaguely pleased they’ve decided to bleep these words because I do NOT want to hear about it the next morning after this program airs. And I would. Really. MONTHS after “The Gin Game” aired, we were still getting complaints about swear words. A few people called it “immoral.”

This is not to say I condone this sort of attitude. Far from it. One of the most wonderful things about television sets these days is that they invariably come with a remote control. Remote controls allow us to change the channel. That means if we see something on a station, such as PBS, that we find offensive, we can find another show to watch. (I wouldn’t be so audacious as to suggest people could actually rise from the sofa and change the channel on the television set itself.) It’s really very simple. However, there are large segments of this population that don’t quite understand that the arrows and the numbers on the remote correspond to a basic human freedom: the freedom to watch something else.

They’re just words. But if you find them so offensive, please change the channel and do NOT complain to your local PBS station. Remember that whoever answers the phone is probably the lowliest cog on the machine and doesn’t have a direct line to the producers of the show.

Say It Ain’t So…

July 12th, 2004

The Arizona Republic website is reporting that Randy Johnson said he would waive the no-trade clause of his contract and be dealt to another team if the circumstances were right. I have read various columns on this issue, and most seem to think it’s a swell idea.

Diamondbacks fans, repeat after me: NOOOOOOOO!!!

Fear My Wrath! For I Am… Tenderheart Bear??

July 13th, 2004

I… must have done the test wrong…

Tenderheart Bear
You are thinker, organizer, peacekeeper, and leader all in one. You have a power to command attention and people listen to you. However, you are often so concerned about not hurting others’ feelings that you don’t tell them what they need to hear and this gets you both into trouble. But you always have loyal friends to help you out.

Hail To Our Guv’nah

July 13th, 2004

The Arizona Republic website says Arizona’s esteemed Governor Janet Napolitano will speak at the Democratic National Convention on July 27th! Go Janet Go! Give the governor a harumph!

The guv’nah rocks. I have issue with this quote, however:

“I am very proud to be representing Arizona and sharing a taste of our common-sense values with the nation,” said Napolitano, a first-term governor.

“Common-sense values”… Arizona… Much confusion…